Lately i'm stressed and so once again, i am doing lots of useless stuff to take my mind away from all the thoughts and ideas and plans. Not like i have a plan anyway.lol.

Yep. the main point today is quite meaningless for readers...so if you don't like it you can just jolly well skip this post.

I am feeling slightly better now that i kind of confirmed my personality type :) INTJ! haha it finally explains why i was so 'reserved' when young and why i always felt and acted much more matured than most people of my age. No wonder my mum used to say that i'm like a forty year old rather than fourteen. haha. And yeah i tend to think too much even before i actually do anything and i'm so studious. typical INTJ.

One thing though. They said that INTJs can practically do anything so long as they put their minds to it. I really did believe in that when i was much younger, even till now. But of course, with more 'experience', i can only say that it is half true. Yes. One can do almost anything so long as they put their minds to it. But for INTJs, it is not a question of whether we can, but rather whether we want to or see a need for it. Same thing for my major. I know i will be able to do well in most subjects but the thing is, i can't seem to find the motivation to commit to any major unless i can actually find a reason to convince myself. Srsly, making money isn't a persuasive enough excuse anymore. I need something more convincing, something that i can feel passion or at least vision for. Forget engineering and science, that's not my interest (surprisingly for an intj).

Argh. i'm really very frustrated. Idk why i'm thinking about all this just before ssh starts. Everything seems settled in and i am angry with myself for wanting to make changes. But i just feel like something's wrong. I'm not doing it right. But i don't know what went wrong or whether or not there's a problem in the first place or whether i'm thinking too much again.

I feel like i need a gap year but then my parents(and society) are making me feel like i shouldn't be wasting time and that i should just get in and out of college asap so that i don't waste money and start earning asap. But I still feel like i'm walking on a path that's unsuitable for me. Mum says that it doesn't matter what I major in so long as i can get a certificate. But is that really the best idea? Really? To me, uni is a long term investment. TO major in something you like and make use of all available resources to help yourself excel in the subject should be the main reason for college.

I don't want to sell my soul even before stepping out into the cruel world.