Went to see the school counsellor ytd.

It's the first time i'm attending an actual counseling session and I was quite sad to say that it wasn't the kind of session that i pictured. Emotions being let out, counsellor giving me advice and telling me that it's okay,etc. It was a rather "meet the teacher" session if i can put it that way :/

First qn the counsellor asked, "So why are you here?" (read: just tell me yr problem so that I can get it over and done with). Like..HELLO? if i were an actual patient and I'm getting called to counseling, the least the sch could do is to just inform the counsellor right? of cos, being well-trained I obviously knew why I was getting called there (the email didn't say it was optional). Told her that my gpa was below requirement and I was called to come for counseling. And it wasn't because of anything...just because I overloaded myself with too much work and commitments last sem. LOL.

After that, it was just silence and she wanted to just let me off. I was like "hell no. i spent an hr coming here and u're packing me off in just 5 minutes?!"

But tbh, on hindsight, I actually do want someone other than my mum to hear my thoughts cuz they're driving me crazy. I told her about how I am considering dropping my economics degree cuz i just have no appreciation for the math right now (especially statistics! srsly i hate that subject)

Most epic moment was when she asked "So, do you have any idea what you wanna do (with yr life)?"

I stared blankly and said "No."

After that she just recommended me to do a test. and when I said i'll take it, she gave me a doubtful look. "So you're gonna take it?" Hell yea obviously I ran out of ideas to help myself already. It was more of a last straw thing LOL.

And so that was it.

Didn't know counsellors aren't all that nice, warm, loving person. The one I had was somehow useful, but totally hard to feel any warmth from her =.= Not a usual thing I would say since I am not all that sugar-spice-and-everything-nice kind of person. but when i'm in sharing my thoughts and lost-ness, I would expect someone to at least try to understand and give me some better suggestions...or at the least give me some encouragement =.=

Even writing my blogpost is more emotional releasing than a counseling session. nevertheless it was quite a new experience and I'll probably go back for more visits to find someone to talk to. haha. Writing blogpost nowadays is really mostly for myself. To silence all those noises in my head by plonking them all on paper (or in the internet). To think that I originally revived my blog in hopes of making it famous like certain bloggers. HAHA.

Plonking down stuff like how the counseling sessions made me feel more depressed by making me think even more =.= Or maybe this is a good side effect that would help me reflect more until I know what I want in life/make up a plan to find that answer. Just hope that I don't get analysis paralysis (over-thinking). Which happens quite often.

Anyway, I need to study now. Ciao~

The story of my love life:

New person: "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Me: "haha nope"

New person: "Oh haha but you had boyfriends in the past right?"

Me: "Uhm..no. I'm evergreen"

New person: "Oh...*awkward laughter* then must have a lot of guys chasing you now right?"

Me: "uhm..no one is chasing me now. Not that I know of anyway.."

New person: *after a long awkward pause* "Oh okay...you look like you'll have a lot of suitors...haha it's okay! You'll meet the right person someday"

FML. #foreveralone

To that bastard that whacked me with the taxi door just now:

F*** u bastard. U come out of the taxi 5 seconds later will die is it? Why can't u wait for the person to walk away first before opening the damn door?! Go burn in hell.

Lately I've been thinking of getting myself an English name. And somehow, amazingly, i've come in touch with numerology once again. Now that it's the hols, i finally have time to research and find out what exactly it is and how it works.

When i asked my mum, she told me that she wanted to name me "Chloe" but decided not to cuz she didn't know how to pronounce the name at that time. LOL right -__-

And after all the readings about my personality, I realized that there are certain parts of your character that are sort of 'consistent. For example, me thinking a lot all the time, liking solitude, and well, having high standards.

My friend Joel once told me that I have a 'mental list' of qualities i want in a bf. Back then, I thought that he had misunderstood me. But now I realized that..yes, indeed. Maybe i do have one. Which explains why i'm always criticizing stuff around me. Because i have high standards, i aim for perfection. But now i have to understand that no one's perfect. And that i shouldn't be too harsh on people for accepting imperfection because sometimes that's the way to keep things moving instead of dwelling on it to make it perfect. I don't dislike the fact that i'm a perfectionist. In fact, i have come to love that part of myself. I love the fact that i actually do have an idea of what i want from something and not just blindly accept things as they are. But of course, now that i'm aware of my trait, i can learn to tamper it with some humiliaty. Especially when dealing with people, so that i do not come off as arrogant/a know-it-all.

Perhaps that's what growing up is all about for an kid like me who scores higher in terms of interpersonal intelligence. Knowing myself better and coming to terms with my strengths and weaknesses and accepting it all as part of me. Coming to peace with myself. Understanding how and why i feel in certain situations. Knowing what kind of person i am and what i want to be. Perhaps, that's the quest for wisdom IS indeed my life path, which explains my scientist-like curiosity and thirst for all kinds of knowledge and wisdom. Everything and everyone we meet has a story to tell, something to learn from. And I'm glad that my analytical mind, keen awareness and almost psychic sensitivity are gifts to help me in that journey.

可能。。。有时人真的不能太执着，太计较。试着放开一点，对人宽容一点，世界会瞬间变得善良点。。。人，也会变得可爱点。

Getting cheated is such a painful feeling. I felt like I'm such an idiot. I don't want to trust anyone anymore. I was so stupid. Why didn't I check properly in the first place? Why? From now on I will not buy secondhand books from friends and I will always check SUPER thoroughly before paying. But today, she has proved to me that she is a bitch with no morals and she's nothing but a deceptive fraudster. Hope she gets punished for it. Punish her that she will no longer have any friends and she will forever get cheated by people, her feelings, her money and her life. Karma will get back to her soon enough. And there's no point in me getting upset by this anymore. What's more important is that I understand that this is not my fault. She is a bitch. I just need to be more careful with friends and sellers next time. I just need to not trust anyone at all. Not a single bit. And I need to look forward. How to salvage the situation for myself now.

A $10 note. A 10 minute train ride.

That was all it took to test a person & to test a friendship. Perhpas this is why we should have minimal money dealings with friends. She said that it was due to her work but she couldn't explain why she didn't raise the major flaw when she had so much other time to do so before selling it to me. In order to charge more than what it was worth, she deceived her friend, betrayed her trust, insulted her own character with her own actions (in that case i'm not sure if there's character at all).

It was partly my fault. My fault for trusting her. No one can be trusted.

Money wasn't the issue. But it was the trust betrayed, the calculativeness. Your pettiness and lack of generosity for people, even for friends, that disgusted me. At that moment, I felt like I was no more than a stranger, a hapless victim of a cold cruel business dealing. You told me that others could sell books of lousy quality to others at higher prices, so you would consider me as one of those unrelated strangers who are just there for you to take advantage of? You didn't even bother compensating. You didn't even bother to say any apology. You think that it's acceptable. I really question what friends actually mean to you.

I would be willing to give up that $10 for the friendship. I would travel that 10 minute trian ride. But you wouldn't & you didn't. Still gladly & shamelessly accepted it. You left me speechless.

I've always pride myself for being the good friend, & I expect to be treated the same. With honesty & loyalty. Is that too much to ask?

I usually wouldn't want to write out such stuff. But you are the worst friend I've ever had. Oh. And since it's my blog, I just wanna say, "Karin, you are such a bitch. Can't wait for you to go overseas and never come back".

Your reputation, your character, your friendship.

Once broken, considered sold.

*crack*