Lately I've been thinking of getting myself an English name. And somehow, amazingly, i've come in touch with numerology once again. Now that it's the hols, i finally have time to research and find out what exactly it is and how it works.

When i asked my mum, she told me that she wanted to name me "Chloe" but decided not to cuz she didn't know how to pronounce the name at that time. LOL right -__-

And after all the readings about my personality, I realized that there are certain parts of your character that are sort of 'consistent. For example, me thinking a lot all the time, liking solitude, and well, having high standards.

My friend Joel once told me that I have a 'mental list' of qualities i want in a bf. Back then, I thought that he had misunderstood me. But now I realized that..yes, indeed. Maybe i do have one. Which explains why i'm always criticizing stuff around me. Because i have high standards, i aim for perfection. But now i have to understand that no one's perfect. And that i shouldn't be too harsh on people for accepting imperfection because sometimes that's the way to keep things moving instead of dwelling on it to make it perfect. I don't dislike the fact that i'm a perfectionist. In fact, i have come to love that part of myself. I love the fact that i actually do have an idea of what i want from something and not just blindly accept things as they are. But of course, now that i'm aware of my trait, i can learn to tamper it with some humiliaty. Especially when dealing with people, so that i do not come off as arrogant/a know-it-all.

Perhaps that's what growing up is all about for an kid like me who scores higher in terms of interpersonal intelligence. Knowing myself better and coming to terms with my strengths and weaknesses and accepting it all as part of me. Coming to peace with myself. Understanding how and why i feel in certain situations. Knowing what kind of person i am and what i want to be. Perhaps, that's the quest for wisdom IS indeed my life path, which explains my scientist-like curiosity and thirst for all kinds of knowledge and wisdom. Everything and everyone we meet has a story to tell, something to learn from. And I'm glad that my analytical mind, keen awareness and almost psychic sensitivity are gifts to help me in that journey.

可能。。。有时人真的不能太执着，太计较。试着放开一点，对人宽容一点，世界会瞬间变得善良点。。。人，也会变得可爱点。

Getting cheated is such a painful feeling. I felt like I'm such an idiot. I don't want to trust anyone anymore. I was so stupid. Why didn't I check properly in the first place? Why? From now on I will not buy secondhand books from friends and I will always check SUPER thoroughly before paying. But today, she has proved to me that she is a bitch with no morals and she's nothing but a deceptive fraudster. Hope she gets punished for it. Punish her that she will no longer have any friends and she will forever get cheated by people, her feelings, her money and her life. Karma will get back to her soon enough. And there's no point in me getting upset by this anymore. What's more important is that I understand that this is not my fault. She is a bitch. I just need to be more careful with friends and sellers next time. I just need to not trust anyone at all. Not a single bit. And I need to look forward. How to salvage the situation for myself now.

A $10 note. A 10 minute train ride.

That was all it took to test a person & to test a friendship. Perhpas this is why we should have minimal money dealings with friends. She said that it was due to her work but she couldn't explain why she didn't raise the major flaw when she had so much other time to do so before selling it to me. In order to charge more than what it was worth, she deceived her friend, betrayed her trust, insulted her own character with her own actions (in that case i'm not sure if there's character at all).

It was partly my fault. My fault for trusting her. No one can be trusted.

Money wasn't the issue. But it was the trust betrayed, the calculativeness. Your pettiness and lack of generosity for people, even for friends, that disgusted me. At that moment, I felt like I was no more than a stranger, a hapless victim of a cold cruel business dealing. You told me that others could sell books of lousy quality to others at higher prices, so you would consider me as one of those unrelated strangers who are just there for you to take advantage of? You didn't even bother compensating. You didn't even bother to say any apology. You think that it's acceptable. I really question what friends actually mean to you.

I would be willing to give up that $10 for the friendship. I would travel that 10 minute trian ride. But you wouldn't & you didn't. Still gladly & shamelessly accepted it. You left me speechless.

I've always pride myself for being the good friend, & I expect to be treated the same. With honesty & loyalty. Is that too much to ask?

I usually wouldn't want to write out such stuff. But you are the worst friend I've ever had. Oh. And since it's my blog, I just wanna say, "Karin, you are such a bitch. Can't wait for you to go overseas and never come back".

Your reputation, your character, your friendship.

Once broken, considered sold.

*crack*

For the very first time, i actually sang birthday song to myself (with my mum) in my room, with just a tiny slice of my fav tiramisu cake. It was the most low profile bday celebration ever, but i've never felt happier. I am seriously an introvert. HAHAHA. My bros said that bday wishes don't come true, but I still believe in bday wishes, becuz they did come true for me. The thing is, i don't wish for things that happen by pure chance. I wish for things, then work hard for them, and hopefully that with some luck from my bday wishes, I can succeed. And I actually did achieve quite a lot and I believe that some luck is indeed needed to have such results. Don't expect to get anything if you don't work hard for them. Looking back at these 3 months, I am really amazed at how i managed to survive all that workload and stress. And i'm really grateful to have met so many nice people in sch. Srsly, without friends, uni is a really sad cruel battleground. okay.. this is abrupt but i'm going to sleep now. need to wake up early tmr to go sch. Ciao~

Yay finally my exams are over :) And i just passed my FTT today. awesome!! But sian. will have non-stop dance prac for the whole holiday omg *puke*

Anw, now that i'm not going to hokkaido...i have the whole month of nothing-to-do. Hopefully this time i will not waste my hols..especially since December is my favorite month XD

Anw, gtg chillax now. Ciao~

Why some people just don't know how to mince their words? Or is it just becuz i'm already so annoyed with them that no matter what they say it just sounds so...tactless?

I don't know. But i know i should seriously stop taking their words so srsly from now on and accept the fact that sometimes ppl just like to say things “without going through their brains” (不经大脑）. And I should stop rebutting them. Waste my time and energy and it's not doing any good for my reputation. AND so that i don't have to waste even more time trying to write apology-cum-explanation letters to "save the day"-.-

These are times whereby u know who are the zeros.

嗯。。。如果能是一样幸福的结局就好了。 给我一个长得像陈柏霖一样帅，一样爱我的“好朋友”吧。

刚看完了第12集的《我可能不会爱你》 哇塞～程又青跟我太像了。。。不知结局会是怎么样。。。希望能又好结果。。。 可惜。。唯一差别是我生命中没有李大仁，连爱情都没体会过。