When everyone else is fervently praying and crossing their fingers..and you don't know what to hope for :/

Submitted my uni apps but somehow i end up even more depressed than ever. For some courses, i feel like i just did it out of 'invisible' parental pressure (can't really help it if your parents go about telling you to 'think about' the course and tells everyone AS IF you already got a place). Some, i did it out of habit of my own mind...courses that i've considered all the while for years because i have no confidence to do anything else.

I wanted to do law. but i never had a good relationship with writing essays. In sec sch and JC, it was more of a chore than anything else. I always left it to the last minute becuz other subjects required more attention and i was able to crap out a surprisingly decent essay anw. But now, for the first time, i'm REALLY REALLY tempted to take it. But in the end, i put sth else becuz i think that i can't do law. But still, there's just this nagging feeling after i submitted my application. Why?

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I can do. I don't know what to look for.

I don't know what to hope for.